OK< well, now the view from the other side.I am the 2nd born twin. Of the two of us I am the shyer one, the one less likely to be in a relationship myself. I know my twin has always regared me as the weaker one, needing protection, though I have NEVER asked for it, and don't feel in any way I need it. In fact I deeply resent the implication. We are simply two different people, with different out looks on how things should be done. But she's a very "her way or no way" type personality. Mostly I let it ride to keep the peace, and figure when we seperate I'll take over the resonsiblities she seems to need to clutch to herself right now.
Our relationship is not the greatest right now anyways, for many reasons, but one VERY important one.
(my father is the only one to whom I've ever told the whole sorry story until now)
Several years ago there was a guy I was interested in. I thought I had a shot, as he spent lots of time talking to me, and we were begining, I thought, to build a friendship. I told my sister about him, and she encouraged me to get to know him better (she knew him at that time too).
Around that time, my sister ended a long term relationship in a messy sticky manner. She was pretty messed up and I stuck close to her side whether she wanted me to or not. I was worried. We both began to pal around with the guy I was interested in. I was trying to work up my nerve to tell him how I felt.
After several months, a chance comment from a friend of this guy revealed to me that he was interested in my sister, and had been before he ever spoke to me. I was devestated.
I was comforted, however, by the positive knowledge that he had no chance with my sister, as she knew I was interested in him, and she was still getting over the previous relationship. I even said to her "I think he likes you" in a teasing manner to sort of sound out her feelings. She immediately said "Don't say that! I'll be uncomfortable around him from now on!". I felt better knowing she didn't like that idea any more than I did. I decided to continue the friendship, and see what I could do to turn his interest to me.
At that time my job was taking up more and more of my time, often requiring me to work 65+ hour a week. They often hung out without me, going to dinner with other friends, or out to movies, etc. I never thought twice about it because, duh, we were twins, and I just knew she would never do something like that.
(So, I think you know where this is going.)
To make a long story short, one night in July she didn't come home. I spent the night convinced she was dead somewhere, because what was really happening was so far from my list of possibles as to be unthinkable. When she eventually came home, and I realized what had happened, the floor went right out from under me. I felt betrayed and hurt and humiliated, and angry, and oh I don't know what. How could she do that? I couldn't even speak to her, I was so devestated.
I spent three days in bed. The betrayel just knocked me off my feet. She acted like she had no idea anything had happened, and that I was acting like a crazy person staying in bed for three days. I didn't speak to her the whole time, I was so choked with pain I couldn't.
After two weeks of agony, with her la-la-la-ing around all excited over her new relationship, and me basically not speaking a word to her, my pride reared its head.
I began to act as though nothing had happened either. But our relationship was decidedly different. I felt like a totally different person, like I'd been twisted into a new shape. I began to be deliberatly unpleasant to her. I was the biggest pain in the world to be around I'm sure.
After a few weeks of this, I decided they were never to learn how much they had hurt me, and I even resumed my friendship with him. I was able to pretend that when she was not at home she was in some Neverland somewhere, not with him. I dealt with the pain of betrayal anyway I could, NEVER revealing it to them in any manner.
About 6 months into their relationship, our Mother passed away. It was at that point I thought my life would end, too. The load of pain I was carrying was unbearable. Surely my heart would just stop beating. It was a horrible, awful time, made worse by the fact that he often comforted her, but never once, not one single time, did he express any condolences to me. NOT ONE WORD.
I began to not give a damn what either of them thought, often simply bursting into tears in their presence, or reacting angrily to anything I perceived as a dig at me.
Several months after this, he was rendered temporarily homeless. She invited him to stay with us!!! It was so unbelievable to me. You'd think I would have realized by this time that clearly they cared nothing for my feelings.
I angrily told her that he was not staying in my house, and even went so far as to say something to him. God knows what he thought. That I was a prude, or jealous of her having someone besides me, or what. But they both ignored me, and he stayed on and off for sevearl weeks.
In a way it was a mixed blessing, because it was during this time that I realized that I didn't really care for him in that way any longer. I don't like his attitude towards many of the things that are important to me. He can actually be a pretty unpleasant person.
But that did nothing to soothe the pain I still felt over her actions.
After several months, another chance comment by the same friend of his, revealed that they both believed me to be painfully jealous of their relationship. Not because I had been the one to express interest in him at first, but because I was a jealous twin, unable to handle the idea of my twin building a life without me.
At that point I swore that nothing either of them ever did would get the truth from me. Let them think what ever the hell they wanted!
He even confronted me once about why I was tying my sister down, and making her worry about me. I blew him off with joking words, meanwhile thinking "Who the f*ck are you to speak to me like this?"!
To this day I can't stand to be around both of them. I try to spend what time I can spend with my sister away from him, as she is still my twin, and I can't cut her out of my life, but I know they both view that as another symptom of my jealousy. I am convinced they think I'm a mental case. How clueless they can be. sigh.
Every so often they invite me somewhere with the both of them, and I go, trying to pretend like it doesn't kill me. I even heard him say once how proud he is of himself for being able to handle the realtionship as well as he does. Again, I thought WTF??!!!
Anyhow, she and I now own a house together, and I'm hoping that it will be a place that I can eventually leave her, and know that she'll have somewhere safe, that's hers and hers alone, should her relationship ever end.
I myself plan to move as far away from the both of them as possible, as soon as possible. Once my father has passed away, I'm out of this city, this state, maybe this country. But I'll try to make sure she feels comfortable coming to me should she ever need to. She will always be my twin.
So those of you who think you know whats going on in your relationship with your twin, maybe you really have no idea.